Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
First is the worst...
So Kyle has come and gone, although his stay was not how I had anticipated it. This was mildly upsetting, however I was already prepared for his inevitable departure from baltimore and, most likely, my life so I wasn't too torn up about it. Things just were confusing, he was confused, I was confused, everyone else was confused as to what was going on. Long story short, he kind of adopted the logic that if he was never going to see me again what was the point... GAH! I don't know... those words just sound familiar, like I had said that exact thing to him the first time he was here. WHATEVER, I'm over it (obviously ;-) ).
Second is the best...
My life and apartment are finally together, and now I am just waiting on my jobs to come through. It is taking a little longer to get hired than I had anticipated, but there's not much you can do about that.
In other news, I was asked to do my first threesome this past weekend. As flattering and awkward as it was, I politely declined. I am not trying to double the amount of people I've slept with in one fell swoop thank you very much. I'm ok with having one other person there, anything more than that is unnecessary and simply does not tickle my fancy.
The weather in Baltimore is wet and shitty, which is somehow the norm now-a-days. Sunshine has become a rarity, and even when it has been sunny its too hot to be outside in anything more than nothing (mostly due to the humidity).
As pitiful as this entry is, this has been my life for the past week. I have been doing nothing, but cleaning, unpacking, doing laundry, and watching movies. I apologize, when my life picks up again you will be the first to know. Until then, fare-thee-well.
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 5:25 PM
Saturday, May 23, 2009
So, graduation season is over. The senior week festivities have come to a close. This is the time of the year that I was dreading with every shred of my being.
My senior friends are leaving me, and I will probably see them no more than once a year, if that. They are all moving out into the world, getting their jobs and being real, functioning members of society. Their lack of presence in my life is completely necessary and understood. I, however, am only a rising junior, and I still have two more years here. I will be going to all the same places I used to go to with them on a regular basis, and will endure the memories that come along with them. While they will be experiencing new things, that will most likely not remind them of their time here at Hopkins. I'm gonna miss them so much.
High school was nothing compared to this. In college, you spend so much more quality time with the people you are close with. It's unavoidable. I just wish it didn't have to be that way. It's almost cruel. You have four short years to make of your life what you will, and along the way you meet some of the most amazing people ever. Then your done with your undergraduate career, and all ties you made with your friends are severed. There is no one that can honestly tell you what is going to happen to all these people once you leave the campus of your soon-to-be alma mater. In most cases, they fade into the black-hole that is your memory; sucked in and lost, only to spit back out at some random time 20 years later.
Although the inevitability of this mass severance is well-known to any undergraduate the day they step onto campus, it somehow blindsides you. I don't know if it's the fact that everyone is so focused on final exams and projects that it allows them to turn a blind eye, or if it is just a defense mechanism to temporarily delay the bittersweet feelings that come along with the long, wet goodbyes. Either way, the reasoning and intellect that got you through your college career disappear and allow you to slip into that blissfully ignorant state, only to be slapped in the face by reality a few days before you leave.
I just don't understand how people do it though. How do you knowingly get close to people, when you know that you will probably never see them again? Every single person, including myself, does it though, and without a second thought. Logically, it makes almost no sense, but then again most things that matter in a persons life very rarely make logical sense. I guess these friendships were forged out of necessity and blissful ignorance of what is to come. It's human nature I suppose. I can't imagine making it through the next two years without my friends keeping me sane.
Although, I guess everyone can take solace in the fact that this vicious cycle of making and breaking friendships is over after college, for the most part at least. If you graduate and settle down to a job that doesn't require moving, you will most likely never have to feel the way you did in college again. Honestly, I just want to pretend that that is the case. I highly doubt that my goodbyes to important people in my life will come to an end along with my undergraduate career, but letting myself think that is the case will make these transitions easier.
It is human nature, however, to forget all these thoughts as soon as I recover from this sadness I'm feeling. In two weeks, I will not be thinking about the series of tragedies that is the life of every human. I will be thinking about how annoying waking up for work is, and whether I want to have peanut butter toast or pancakes for breakfast. If this did not happen, if these miniscule, unimportant thoughts didn't dominate the daily grind, and I actually focused on things that really mattered I would be incredibly miserable.
It does make me sad that this is the way we all deal with things though, to simply forget. But there is no other way that would allow for "normalcy" in our lives.
So, I guess, taking all consequences and realities into account this statement holds true that:
"It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 1:26 PM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
You know what I haven't done in a long time? Bowl. You know what I'm gonna do right now? Go Bowling. Yeah, that's right. I'm going bowling. I don't care if I'm bad at it, or that I cringe at the thought of how many different peoples feet have been in those horrible shoes. I'm just gonna suck it up, have some fun, and throw some heavy balls down a lane and hope to hit some pins. It will be fun. I'm gonna start having fun more often.
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 2:39 PM
KYLE COMES TOMORROW! I am extraordinarily excited to see him. The end of my semester went well, I'm in my new apartment (and it's finally all together), and now, he's coming. Things are just getting better and better lol. This just doesn't bode well for the rest of the summer, because things can't continue this positive of a trend for long. No reason to think about that now though.
If you looked at the time of this entry you will see that I wrote it around 7 A.M. That is because I am an old man, and went to bed at 8:15 last night, haha. I did this completely accidentally. I was planning on just taking a nap until like midnight and then going out, but I completely slept through my alarm and the 5 missed calls I had when I woke up. Oops, but I guess I needed the sleep.
So like I said earlier, my semester ended on a pretty high note. I ended up getting an A+ on my thermo final, which bumped me up to an A in the class. That was really exciting, and completely unexpected almost. I had expected to have done well on my final, but not that well by any means. I thought that since I hadn't gotten into this school solely on academic merits alone (I was recruited for swimming), that I was in some way intellectually inferior to my class-mates. This however, proved otherwise. I think that is more exciting a revelation than seeing the A on my transcript. I'm really excited for next semester to start!
I have a busy day today guys. I have to go look for my jobs, get a haircut, and clean a few things around my apartment, while juggling my social "obligations"(hehe). Good thing I'm getting such an early start!
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 6:48 AM
Saturday, May 16, 2009
So its 2:30 in the morning and I decided that I wanted to do this, as opposed to going to bed lol.
Guess what!?!? I'm in my new apartment!!!!! I love it so much. I have my own bathroom, my own room, a bigger closet, a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, the list of things better than my dorm goes on, and on, and on. I am obsessed with it. Today I just got finished putting all of my furniture together... I got it from IKEA :). So now I just need to unpack everything. Which is going to take quite a while since i'm not sure where everything is going to go yet. I might need to buy a small dresser or something.
Well i'm tired so i'm not really planning on writing too much. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm here and I didn't die after finals lol. I just have a lot going on with moving in and stuff, but I will be back full force soon. I'm also in the midst of applying for summer jobs, nothing serious, just a waiting job and something else.
Just give me a few days :)
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 2:30 AM
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
and this calms me down :).
I honestly thought I posted my last blog yesterday. I guess when you sit in the same chair from 7 a.m. until now, you start to lose track of time haha.
I don't think many people realize how much easier it is to study and access information. I just started thinking about what my parents would be doing to study right now. They didn't have computers, they didn't have cell phones, everything they had came out of a book. HOW ANNOYING! I'm so glad that I can access a back test, and then 5 seconds later have moved on to a homework I had finished previously in the semester and then onto the notes that were given in that class on that homework, without ever having my fingers leave my keyboard/trackpad.
It makes things so much faster and so much easier. Since learning has become so much easier to do, I feel like the subject material is taught at a faster pace, with more depth. At the end of my freshmen year, I had already taken math classes through Calculus 3. Keep in mind that Calc 3 may not have even existed back then, I am not sure. I know that my parents both went to college, and never took it though. Technically, after my final tomorrow, assuming I pass all of my classes, I have the math and engineering skills to monitor a small chemical plant. There are other people in my school, who already have patents for new medical devices they created in their biomedical engineering project design classes, before they have even graduated.
I think that is astonishing. The other fact that I find astonishing is the fact that, this level of education is almost taken for granted nowadays. My advisor told me the other day that I may not be competitive enough with only an undergraduate degree in ChemBE and should consider a masters program or pursuing a business degree. After hundreds of credit hours at a University like Johns Hopkins, I still may not be competitive enough? Hm.
I just think that is a little ridiculous. How educated do these employers want us to be? If this trend continues, is grad school going to be the new undergrad for the upcoming generation? That would be so much schooling, minimum five years, not to mention tuition is constantly going up. Hopkins has already broken $51,000 a year. I don't know what to think. I'm already gonna have $200,000 dollars to pay off, which could take quite some time (possibly decades, depending on my income). How am I going to afford paying that off and then sending my children to school, while living some sort of comfortable lifestyle? Is anyone even thinking about these things, or am I just crazy?
A large majority of our parents didn't go to school, so they don't have loans to pay off. Even if they did, they are but a small fraction of what college costs today. I'm just worried I guess. It doesn't seem like things are going to start to take a downward trend anytime soon.
Back to the books, I'm sure I'll be posting tomorrow due to the forecasted amazing mood I should be in. Talk to you guys then... and wish me luck! :)
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 9:55 PM
1. I am done with finals tomorrow.
2. I am getting my first apartment on thursday.
3. My brother is graduating from high school (yeah, I'm old).
4. My other brother is graduating from college (but not too old).
5. My Mom is coming to visit me soon :)
6. My allergies are going away! Goodbye Spring!
7. Doing laundry.
8. I get to see Kyle in a week.
9. My laptop.
10. Taking showers.
11. Nacho Mama's Macho Nachos + chicken - jalapeños = heaven
12. Coldstone, obvi.
13. Using abbrevs. in jest - obvi, ridic, abbrevs... etc.
14. Water, and lots of it.
16. Surprises - canceled class, off from work, homework extensions... these are some sad surprises haha.
17. Politeness (huge bonus points).
18. My friends... (these are not in any specific order, my friends are more important than water and doing laundry).
19. Going to bed before my parents, because I can (which doesn't happen often).
20. My cyber extracurriculars (this, youtube, twitter).
22. Having a good hair day.
23. A good book.
24. Thinking of things to do with the free time I will have due to the absence of thermo problem sets.
25. Cuddling/Spooning... even though I hate the actual words themselves.
26. Dancing like no one is watching... which is never the case lol.
27. My parents and everything they've done for me.
28. Watching baby videos now, and realizing how gay I actually was haha.
29. Becoming partially self sufficient (my parents don't let me have a job during the school year).
30. Being outside for the fifteen minutes right before it starts raining.
31. Having outdoor swim practices in the rain.
32. Knowing I will never have to jump into an outdoor 68ºF pool at 5:45 A.M. ever again.
33. Being overly and unnecessarily organized.
34. Having my weekend planned out on Monday.
35. Playing tennis with my younger brother.
36. Guys who don't play games, and aren't scared to tell you that they miss you.
37. Learning to be a little less serious, and have a little more fun (It has been a struggle haha).
38. Taryn... She's my bestie :D
39. Singing in my car, and only in my car... the world does not need to witness such atrocities.
40. Proper language, grammar, and vocabulary as a whole... having a decent vocabulary and knowing how to use it, without sounding like the people who have their "word of the day" calenders.
(What would be 41. Ending things on even numbers, times, amount of laps etc.)
Well this is obviously not all of them, but I am in a good mood today so I figured this was a somewhat appropriate topic to blog about. I hope everyone has a good day :)
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 9:08 AM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
So I'm sitting in the library, three stories below ground on this wonderful day. I am studying like I am supposed to, and I started thinking about how other people have better work ethic than I do. I mean don't get me wrong, my work ethic isn't bad by any means, but I can not motivate myself to skip out on sleep to prepare for an exam. I would rather take the point deduction.
That got me thinking about how those other people are, aside from their work ethic. I was thinking about how their drive to do well affected their overall health and social lives. Then I went even broader and just thought about what type of person they were in the most general sense I could think of.
The conclusion that I came to, is that I have much different priorities than most of the other students at this school. For example I am not going to any upper level schooling after my undergrad (this is more than enough schooling for me). Well, unless my firm requires and offers to fund a business degree as to allow me to assume a managerial position at a firm. That is beside the point. The point is, that unless I am in the top .001% of Chemical and Biomolecular Engineers in the nation, my GPA doesn't really matter all that much. Their GPA will since most of these extremely driven people are going to medical or graduate school.
Some might try to say that your GPA reflects how much you have learned at the institution, but I beg to differ when it comes to my school specifically. At my school the average GPA of a graduating ChemBE is a 2.7, which is a B-. It is the lowest average GPA at my school, three years running. This would mean, based on simple percentages that the student only grasped 67.5% of the material that was presented to him/her. For one to believe that this majority of students, who made it through the entire program and were weeded out of 14,000 other applicants, who were all at the top of their respective classes, only four years earlier, are in some way, shape, or form intellectually incapable in one respect or another is ridiculous. I refuse to believe my grades reflect my knowledge of the material because I know that I have learned so much. The grade reflects how quickly and accurately you can recall the information in a designated amount of time. That is all.
Got a little off track lol. What I am trying to say is that, I would much rather not have to kill myself to be able to learn the material in such a way that is unnecessary. I would much rather sleep, have friends, be happy, have a social life, and be able to look back on my college experience and say that it was totally worth my time and that I have no regrets. Up to this point in time, I think I have been "doin' my thang" in such a way that would allow me to feel that way one day. To me, that prospect alone is much more valuable than any numerical measurement of learned material.
I just can't help but think that some of these people are wasting their college experience in the library, and I don't know if I am right, so I can't exactly tell them what to do. It just makes me feel bad to think that someone might be letting grades seem more important than they actually are, and then have that illusion ruin their college experience. It's supposed to be the best four years of your life. I am going to make sure mine are. :).
I don't know if anyone agrees with me, but I guess I don't care really. I guess they don't care if I agree with them either. Maybe getting really good grades is what makes them happy. That's totally cool. I just think its amazing how two people can feel so incredibly differently about this kind of thing. I find it extraordinarily interesting.
Well enough thinking about this, I have to go study!
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 6:54 PM
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Hey everyone... I'm sorry I haven't posted in a bit. It's finals season right now, therefore I've been a recluse in the library and I should not be doing anything other than studying. This is obviously not the case. I have been tweeting and facebooking like it's my job so I might as well throw an entry in here.
To anyone who is about to go to college,
If you want to be in a relationship with anyone in school, do not go to a small school. It was the worst thing I have ever done. Everyone knows about any relationship you've been in since you've been to college, because everyone knows everyone one way or another. So if you may have made a mistake in a past relationship it will, without a doubt, come back to haunt you.
If you think meeting people from other campuses is going to work, you, again, have another thing coming. That is even more interesting to the people at your small school. They will pay closer attention, and pass harsher judgement on the outcome of the situation.
After only six short months of being out of the closet. I have exhausted most resources and my ability to deal with my schools severe lack of good looking guys. I don't know exactly who I was expecting to find at a school whose Biomedical Engineering, Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering, and Graduate Medical School programs top the charts in their respective categories. My bad ha ha. There is always next year, but I don't know it just seems like I might have to wait until after to college to find my one true love. Especially since the only guy I've legitimately liked since I've been at school lives in California. Which means, I will never see him again.
I have decided, at this point in time, that college will only be for fun, nothing serious or stressful. I have my major for that :-P.
Also I'm coming to find out that I don't exactly enjoy being someone who is extraordinarily smart, which is a dime-a-dozen at this school. They make me nervous and make me feel like I have to be witty and intellectually competent at all times. I'm not saying I would like to have a relationship with some ignorant brute, but just not someone who isn't an Economics/Biochemistry double major with a vocabulary that is too extensive for his own good. So, a not-so-incredibly-smart guy sounds great to me.
Plus, guys like that know how to have fun even at the most random and possibly inappropriate times. Which is something I need in my life ha ha. I tend to get stressed out pretty easily, I need someone to balance me out.
Okay, that is enough of that, I'm sure that was amazingly interesting for you ha ha. I, however, need to get back to studying. Thermal conduction and convection ready yourself, I'm about to learn the crap out of you. Until next time...
Posted by SeeJohnSwim at 11:52 AM