Saturday, May 23, 2009

Bye...

So, graduation season is over. The senior week festivities have come to a close. This is the time of the year that I was dreading with every shred of my being.

My senior friends are leaving me, and I will probably see them no more than once a year, if that. They are all moving out into the world, getting their jobs and being real, functioning members of society. Their lack of presence in my life is completely necessary and understood. I, however, am only a rising junior, and I still have two more years here. I will be going to all the same places I used to go to with them on a regular basis, and will endure the memories that come along with them. While they will be experiencing new things, that will most likely not remind them of their time here at Hopkins. I'm gonna miss them so much.

High school was nothing compared to this. In college, you spend so much more quality time with the people you are close with. It's unavoidable. I just wish it didn't have to be that way. It's almost cruel. You have four short years to make of your life what you will, and along the way you meet some of the most amazing people ever. Then your done with your undergraduate career, and all ties you made with your friends are severed. There is no one that can honestly tell you what is going to happen to all these people once you leave the campus of your soon-to-be alma mater. In most cases, they fade into the black-hole that is your memory; sucked in and lost, only to spit back out at some random time 20 years later.

Although the inevitability of this mass severance is well-known to any undergraduate the day they step onto campus, it somehow blindsides you. I don't know if it's the fact that everyone is so focused on final exams and projects that it allows them to turn a blind eye, or if it is just a defense mechanism to temporarily delay the bittersweet feelings that come along with the long, wet goodbyes. Either way, the reasoning and intellect that got you through your college career disappear and allow you to slip into that blissfully ignorant state, only to be slapped in the face by reality a few days before you leave.

I just don't understand how people do it though. How do you knowingly get close to people, when you know that you will probably never see them again? Every single person, including myself, does it though, and without a second thought. Logically, it makes almost no sense, but then again most things that matter in a persons life very rarely make logical sense. I guess these friendships were forged out of necessity and blissful ignorance of what is to come. It's human nature I suppose. I can't imagine making it through the next two years without my friends keeping me sane.

Although, I guess everyone can take solace in the fact that this vicious cycle of making and breaking friendships is over after college, for the most part at least. If you graduate and settle down to a job that doesn't require moving, you will most likely never have to feel the way you did in college again. Honestly, I just want to pretend that that is the case. I highly doubt that my goodbyes to important people in my life will come to an end along with my undergraduate career, but letting myself think that is the case will make these transitions easier.

It is human nature, however, to forget all these thoughts as soon as I recover from this sadness I'm feeling. In two weeks, I will not be thinking about the series of tragedies that is the life of every human. I will be thinking about how annoying waking up for work is, and whether I want to have peanut butter toast or pancakes for breakfast. If this did not happen, if these miniscule, unimportant thoughts didn't dominate the daily grind, and I actually focused on things that really mattered I would be incredibly miserable.

It does make me sad that this is the way we all deal with things though, to simply forget. But there is no other way that would allow for "normalcy" in our lives.

So, I guess, taking all consequences and realities into account this statement holds true that:

"It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

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