Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Growing up...

I have never felt so grown up in my life. I have my first real job, that will actually allow me to file for tax returns because I will be making enough money. I opened a savings account for god sakes. I don't know about you, but I think thats what people do when they have a plan for their life. Not that I didn't have one before, but I never needed to save for anything. I knew my college was gonna be on loans, and up until this year I was completely fiscally dependent on my parents. I truly and honestly feel like I'm maturing somehow. It's a very odd feeling.

On top of all that I'm living on my own for the time being which simulates how things will be when I graduate from Hopkins. Just crazy crazy. I don't know, it just kind of hit me now. I've been kind of immature for quite some time now. Not in all respects but in quite a few. I just feel like I'm finally becoming an adult. Sure, I was in college, I am no longer a teenager, I'm gonna be in the real world in two years and I look older. I never felt old though. I would still whine and get upset over stupid things. I always cared what everyone else thought of me. I was catty and even vengeful on rare occasions; behavior that is unacceptable and for 10 year olds.

I think back now on some of the things that I have done and I'm just glad that I don't feel the need to do them anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm completing my maturation process. The last thing for me was my emotional maturation, which I guess is fine, and I guess that only happened because I wasn't emotionally expressing myself the way I had wanted to for 19 years.

It makes sense if you think about it. My sexuality didn't really affect anything else in my life. I didn't really play any sports or change my interests in academia to suit a more "straight" outlook on life. So mentally and logically I was maturing. You can't really stop physical maturation. As for my spirituality, I have never really been a huge believer in religion so that was easy. That just leaves emotion. Makes sense to me. Obviously I'm greatly generalizing, but you get the point.

I just think its fun lol. I also hardly look on facebook anymore... so juvenile. Haha j/k. Well about the juvenile part, I really don't use facebook nearly as often as I used to.

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