Friday, December 11, 2009

I need to relieve some stress...

Ok so as most of you can probably deduce from my lack of presence on youtube and this blog that I have been very busy this semester. However, I have not been busy drinking or working or even being lazy. I have been studying harder than I ever have in my entire life. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that working hard is the right thing to do as long you don't give up your life entirely.

The thing that bothers me now is that I am still getting screwed over academically. My professors in my engineering classes decided that if we want to be engineers we need to learn to function under pressure. They did this by not offering any partial credit on my midterms and are now not offering partial credit for my finals either . Mind you the exams that I'm taking have no more than six questions. In transport phenomena its two questions. One is worth 70 points the other is worth 30. So your grade can be a 100, a 70, a 30 or a 0. Try and tell me that is fair in any way.

That example pails in comparison to the idea of a NEGATIVE AVERAGE. Last year there was a negative average for in the final exam in the class whose final I have coming up on Tuesday. A kid was studying so late, he fell asleep shortly after writing his name on the answer sheet. He got a 0 on the exam which left him with a B+. A ZERO was above average. That statement is appalling, frightening and true. The professor that administered said exam is still teaching the course.

What the fuck is the point. I will never be put in a position where I have 50 minutes to perform and entire calculation without making a single mistake. Employers are going to look at my less than stellar gpa and think that I didn't do anything in college. They are going to think that I wasted my time getting drunk, and skipping class. THEY ARE SO WRONG. This semester I have spent close to 50 hours a week in the library. I can't even express to you how depressing it is to work as hard as I am and constantly fail. I will be lucky to graduate from this august institution with anything more than a 3.0. I'm so glad I'm paying $51,000 dollars a year for my professors to destroy my life.

I just don't understand it. Do they want us to doubt ourselves? Do they want us to wonder if we made the right life choices? Do they want us to feel like we aren't smart enough to be engineers? Well, whether that is their aim or not, that is what's happening.

It was different before. I wasn't really trying, so when I got my B- or C+ I wasn't surprised or upset. It's what I deserved. Now though, now I'm trying and I'm still getting the same grades. I took my transport midterm a few days ago and got a 70. I lost 30 points because I made a sign error. They even wrote on my exam,"Too bad you missed the sign change in you're second derivative." Right next to that comment was a big fat "-30", in bright red ink. How can you possibly feel normal taking thirty points off an exam that the student CLEARLY knew the material and made a small sign error? How? How? HOW!?!?

I am keeping that exam. I am stapling it to my resumé, and I am showing these employers the shit I put up with in my undergrad. I am going to show them the reason why that on paper I look mediocre and lazy. It's just so unfair.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

It's been sooooo long!

Hello Everyone!

I have not forgotten about you, I swear. I have just been busier than I have ever been before. My hell is coming to and end though so I shall be returning to you guys soon enough. Over the past month a lot of things have been happening and I've been thinking a lot. I mean A LOT.

I know that I like what I'm studying at school and I know that I'm good at it, but I have started to second guess my career path. I'm seriously considering Law School, and trying to get into politics. I have never been a extraordinarily political person, but I have recently found myself forming more solid political beliefs.

While being a chemical engineer would be awesome and I would be well off with great hours and vacation time, I just don't know if it would be fulfilling. I don't know, I guess I just like the idea of being a Harvey Milk ha ha. There is rarely a day that goes by that I find myself not having a discussion about the adversities I face daily with one of my straight friends. They feel comfortable talking to me about it, and for a lot of them I am the first gay person they have ever been even decent friends with.

Ok so what I'm getting at here is this: Since I seem to be so accessible and non-threatening to straight people, should I be using my advantage for a greater good? Do you understand what I am saying? I can honestly say that I have had a solid amount of around 30 straight men, in the past year, tell me they were glad that they were friends with me because I helped them realize that there really isn't anything wrong with being gay. I feel like thats a pretty big accomplishment especially since I wasn't even trying to convince them one way or another.

One of the reasons why I am getting nervous is due to a genetics lecture I heard followed by some independent research. Researchers are coming pretty close to proving that homosexuality in males is a strongly correlated to a random recessive combination of genes.

My fear is gene therapy. If they do somehow isolate this combination of genes, homosexuality could be wiped out. Don't get me wrong I'm all for curing autism, trisomy 21, and other DNA-related diseases with gene therapy to improve the babies quality of life, but there is nothing wrong with me. Furthermore, any psychiatric problems that homosexuals face are predominantly caused by the lack of acceptance.

Ugh its very late and I'm a little crazy... hopefully you are still glad to be hearing from me lol. Talk to you guys soon!